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  • Caitrin McElroy

Minimalism Monday | A Non-Apology Apology

Writing this blog has been a practice in self-discipline for me.

For those that don’t know, I went to school for English Literature with a minor in English Composition. I love writing, along with a handful of humanities-based pursuits, but I am a terrible self-motivator when it comes to creativity. I think and daydream for hours about all that I can do, and when it comes time to act….I’m exhausted, or I have a headache, or I can’t think of anything to create, or “I don’t have enough time.” On top of that, I absolutely hate deadlines.

And then I started writing this blog...and all of a sudden I’m actually into the blog routine. And I have a note on my phone with future blog ideas. And I think throughout the week about how I’m going to write this part of the blog or that part and how I’m going to frame the narrative each week. And I’m meeting deadline after deadline.

Until….last week.

August 17th was my birthday, so Jonathan and I took Friday and Monday off to give ourselves a nice long weekend. He made me beautiful meals, let me forget about my to-do lists, sat through hours of cheesy movie marathons, and baked me the most beautiful (and delicious) birthday cake I’ve ever been baked. It was the perfect birthday weekend, especially for an ambivert/introvert like me.

Tuesday rolled around and I was thoroughly in denial about going to work, in a complete haze, and wishing at 11:11 for my desk to magically turn into my bed. I went through my typical Monday checklist when I got to the office, catching up on emails and updates that I’d missed. Somewhere around lunchtime I thought to myself, “oh! I’ve gotta write a blog by tonight.”

And then, the sinking feeling.

It wasn’t Monday, and I had completely forgotten the deadline without a second thought. Not once over the long weekend had I thought of the blog or what topic I would try this week. Not once all day Monday did I think about writing or uploading. All when I’d been doing so well!

I dwelled in my guilt for a while. And by “a while,” I mean up until about an hour ago. I wrapped up a new blog this morning and sent it to Jonathan for his thoughts. I nudged him after we got home from work: “I’ve gotta post another blog tonight...I completely missed last week’s because of my birthday weekend,” admitting out loud for the first time the guilt I’d been carrying around.

“Maybe you should write about that,” Jonathan said in his kind voice. I looked at him, confused.

“You know, maybe about the importance of experiences.”

And that’s how I got here.

For the first time since Tuesday I finally felt guiltless with just a little shift in perspective. It wasn’t that I’d missed last week’s deadline because I was procrastinating or out of ideas. I missed last week’s deadline because I was so wrapped up in enjoying my life.

So while I was sorry for missing our usual date, I’m afraid I’m not anymore.

Can’t wait to miss the next one. ;)

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